The Grass is Always Greener: Meeting new moms

We moved to Texas two years ago. In that time, I actually had a really hard time making friends. I'm from New Jersey. Putting a Jersey girl in Texas is like trying to get that square peg in a round hole. I knew I was in trouble when I started getting asked which church we were all going too. It turns out that is the equivalent to asking what someone's occupation is. I am more of a spiritual person than religious so I don't attend a church. If you just felt a giant breeze, it was the state of Texas gasping at my disclosure. Once I started going to more yoga classes and attending trainings and workshops, I met people I click with but it was kind of hard to meet pregnant yoga teachers. I did meet one (Hi Salena!!!) So I love my yoga teacher friends and that was my circle.

Once I had my baby, it was time to venture to new mom groups. I was really looking forward to meeting some new moms and had this idea that I would meet lifelong friends and our kids would grow together. We would have BBQs and all sorts of excitement.

What I didn't realize is that my motherhood was so different from what everyone else experienced, it was hard for me to get into the conversations. Case in point: BREASTFEEDING. So from what I gather, producing milk is something many women struggle with. Despite their efforts there is something that just isn't working out. This absolutely sucks. A good friend from New Jersey, had her little boy and really struggled with production at first. She was really disappointed. She had to supplement and it was just aggravating for her. My experience could not be more different. I put milk cows to SHAME! In the beginning, I was able to pump 6 ounces a side. Which while wonderful on the whole "breastmilk is liquid gold" side, it SUCKS to walk around never being able to relieve the pressure. Imagine walking around with what feels like the weight of two watermelons strapped to you. Just like some moms have to work on increasing their supply, I need to work at decreasing.

While I accept every woman's journey is going to be different, this is what I came across:

 

rolling eyes

 

"Well that's a good problem to have"

 

"Be grateful."

 

flat out ignoring me from that point on

Now if I had done the same reaction to their issue, I would have really become a pariah. Not all new moms were like this but it got to be where I really hated attending groups, meeting moms, etc. I felt since my girl was sleeping through the night, rarely fussy, and overall easy time, other new moms rarely empathized with me and the struggles I was facing. And trust me, I have come across struggles.

It could just be because these were people that I was just meeting or it could be because we always think "The Grass Is Always Greener." I met some moms who were happy they were away from their family because they didn't want them interfering with how they raised their babies. I completely see this side of it, but I would give anything to have my mom with me here in Texas.

I did have a different experience with my friends that I knew before baby. My friend Suzi in NJ was an awesome mama to text while nursing finding humor in various new mom things. My friend and yoga mentor Stacy, never made me feel like just a new mom. We were able to talk yoga, business, and Universe. My friend Tennille and I have met for breakfast and she loves my little girl to come too. My cousin Dawn as a mom of older kids was a great resource on all things breastfeeding, diaper changing, schedules, etc.

So what is my point? New moms, please realize that we are all on the same journey but have different paths. We are all raising beautiful, delightful bundles of joy. However it is OK for the women with an ample supply to complain just as much as its OK for another to complain about your low supply. It is OK for one mom to feel exhausted because her baby needs to be fed every 2-3 hours, just like another mom can be exhausted from her baby being up all day. Accept and listen to all. Be careful with your words (although this is something everyone could benefit from doing). In other words: I honor the light in you, so honor it in me! NAMASTE!