Balance Challenge Day 4: What is Balance

Idea of what I think my balance would look like!

What is the definition of balance? Honestly, who cares what Wikipedia or Webster say about it? I could lay out all the definitions of balance for you but does that get you any closer to your vision of what you as a balanced human would experience? Absolutely not.

Balance is something that is particular to each person's interests, ambitions, and responsibilities. Balance is NOT about doing ONLY the things that make you happy although it is possible. You get there incrementally, certainly not overnight. Balance is about incorporating things you enjoy and care for into your day.

I recently found a tool for new moms to organize their lives and shift the focus to them. They use a tool that included 8 categories. Their tool came with a free workbook which after opening to find 8 categories, I shut it down and instead thought about what a really fulfilling day would look like. I say fulfilling instead of perfect because many people do not want to think about the "have to's" on a perfect day. In a fulfilling day, you feel complete. You can be accomplished and happy. It's a win/win. This also allows everything to be contingent on your personal needs. When you use a structured tool with multiple categories you may feel compelled to fill out and satisfy all components of what someone else deems pertinent. That is not how you find balance. Taking a nice journey inward, getting into the nitty gritty of your needs; that is how you grasp balance.

So your task for today is simple and fun. Take some time and write down what a fulfilling day for you looks like. You will see that work and play both find their way into your day and/or week. It takes a little time of balance.

Getting frustrated that we haven't put too much into action yet?  It's coming. In Jack Hawley's version of The Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 4, Verse 18, he notes that even in times of inaction  we are setting the foundation for true change. Lack of movement does not mean lack of growth. View this task as a stepping stone to knowing what will balance you. What you have an idea, THEN you can move into action.

What my boy Rock's perfect balance looks like!

Check back tomorrow for the next question that will help you achieve your perfect balance! NAMASTE

Balance Challenge Day 2: Moving Meditation

Part of balance is finding your root or that physical point where you connect to the earth: the feet.

Today's meditation has us connect to the earth by practicing a walking meditation. The process is as follows:

Take your phone. Put it in a drawer.

Go outside.

Start moving.

I think you can all handle that. So I'm adding to this meditation. As you start your walk, notice your natural rhythm. Some things to note are:

• How fast do you naturally walk?
• Is your center of gravity high, in the middle, or low?
• What does it feel like in your feet?
• Do you feel grounded?

Something you should know about this challenge is that I am doing it with you. There is NOTHING I'm asking you to do that I haven't already done. How could I guide you if I am not clear with my own "ish?" And EVERYONE has "ish." What I noticed in the first five minutes of my walk were:

• I walk like I'm being chased by a mob (I might as well be running).
• My feet barely touch the ground.
• I'm not sure my feet actually felt anything due to how quickly I move to the next step.
• Grounded? I felt like a bird!

So I started to shift my walk.

• I slowed way down. A walk that I know typically takes 15 minutes ended up taking 35.
• I focused on placing my heel down and rolling to towards the toes. I allowed myself to press into the earth. This naturally took my center of gravity and brought it way low. It felt delicious.
• I understood what it felt to be grounded.

Now that you understand the physical practice of the walking meditation, we can move on. There is an emotional and energetic root known as Muladhara chakra. The element of this specific chakra is THE EARTH. See the connection. I'm not making this stuff up folks!

Some beauty from my walk!
(I went back later to take pictures, NO PHONES during meditation)

Meditation is all about bringing your focus to one point. If you are new to meditation, you will notice this is actually really hard. I meditate daily and I still have days that I have an epic drama running through my head. As I set off on my walk, besides noticing that I must look like a gazelle when I walk, I tuned into my thoughts in an effort to clear my baggage and come to that one point focus.

I realized that I was feeling off balance, fearful, and anxious due to my upcoming move cross-country (hence the BALANCE CHALLENGE).  I was dealing with some issues with people not respecting boundaries. I missed my family up in New Jersey. The pain I had been experienced in my left knee was there but less worrisome. As my mind ran like a hamster on a wheel... I made a connection. Issues with rooting, feeling grounded, home, family, boundaries as well as issues in your lower extremities are all related to the root chakra. Don't believe me? Check out Anodea Judith's Eastern Body, Western Mind. If you don't feel like buying the book but want to know if your mental focus is root chakra focused, leave a comment! I'll get back to you!

Once I noticed what emotional baggage I was walking with, I was able to channel my energy into a mantra. A mantra made for grounding the energetic root is "The earth supports me and meets my needs." Inhale, Exhale, Repeat.

New Mom Tip: Allow that stroller in the back of your car to see the light of day. Put baby in the stroller and walk on girlfriend!





Baby Girl gets a great nap from her walking meditation!

 

Yama Yoga Mama Meditation 101

I had another mom message me earlier in the week asking for some tips on meditation. After chatting back and forth, she left with a few ideas on how she could get more out of her practice.



Photo found at
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/216524694560559518/

I can not stress enough what meditation has done for me as a mom and as a women. Through a deep prenatal practice, I was able to connect and visualize my baby. In those first few weeks after my daughters birth, a meditation practice was able to refresh me when sleep was not possible. The more I continue with my practice, the more I feel at ease in my day and with my role as a mom. On days I don't get my practice in, I feel a little off. I feel like I am off balance and unable to focus.

In this world where we are mentally and physically racing from one thing to the next, a few minutes to spend focusing on just one thing is truly a gift! In "Sharing THIS Moment With Your Baby"  I talked about using time to embrace the moment with your baby but here are some more tips on how to find calm in the wake of motherhood.

Meditation 101:

• Start with a small goal. Try to sit quietly for 5 minutes. As time goes on, you can increase the amount of time you spend. In the beginning 5 minutes will feel like FOR-EV-ER. Meditation is like endurance training.
• Try to focus on ONE thing. These can include:
• Your breath (Inhale, Exhale, Repeat)
• a word (Ma Om means Divine Love. Breathe in the syllable Ma and breathe out OM)
• An object (picture, candle, something special to you)
• Try journaling before sitting for meditation. It helps to clear the mind.
• Don't get discouraged. Meditation is NOT easy. Even though you are suppose to be sitting still we are not programmed for that anymore. We are multitaskin', computer sittin', coffee drinkin', textin', Facebook likin' machines. Meditation brings us out of our comfort zone.

If Sitting Quietly Fails You:

• Get up and move with a walking meditation. Focus on feeling your feet on the ground, the breeze in your hair, and if you live in Texas the sun baking you.
• Lay down and experience a guided meditation. There are so many options out there. From Yoga Nidra to Visualization many people find success with this concrete meditation option. You can use Pandora, Spotify, ITunes, YouTube. Your possibilities are endless. If you want a meditation specifically written and recorded for you, head over to Yama Yoga Mama.
• Pour yourself a cup of tea, water,or coffee and settle down. Start to really taste your beverage. The subtle nuances of the flavor, scent, color, and sensation of drinking it.
• Fold laundry or anything else you can do on autopilot. Sounds crazy but fold that laundry and REALLY focus on it. You start to get into a groove where you fold and move on while staying present. Resist the urge to think about dishes, diapers, emails, etc. Just get on with your laundry foldin' self.
• Think outside the box. The mom I talked to this morning is am amateur photographer. We talked about the concentration needed to take a high quality photo. It may not be the practice she wants but it is a stepping stone to get there.
• Do something physical. Take a yoga class or go for a run. After that, sit down and see if meditation comes easier.

There's my laundry... just waiting to be meditated on!

How will you build your meditation practice? Are you feeling stuck or interested in learning more? Contact the Yama Yoga Mama and learn how to make meditation work for YOU! Mention this blog in an email and get 25% off of the consultation and meditation recording.

Sharing THIS Moment With Your Baby

Have you been living in the moment since your baby was born or have you been secretly thinking about when it gets better or easier? I'm not sure it will get better or easier, but I can bet that we will all wish for this time back. In particular if we have had the audacity to wish it away.

About two weeks after the birth of my daughter, I looked down at her while she was nursing. I had been engrossed in Facebook status after status and hadn't really been paying attention. In that instant though when I looked down, I realized: "I'm never getting this time back." That alone was the reality check I needed to start living in the present moment. I needed to live my life with my daughter and not be so interested in the life of everyone else. I needed to disconnect for several periods a day in order to breathe in the joy that was my daughter.

I'm not perfect. There are still times when I am more absorbed in what inspirational visuals my yogi friends are sharing or giggling at the snarky comments of my friends about their co-workers, but I started making the effort every day to put my phone away and really spend a concentrated period of time looking at my daughter, interacting with her, and building our unbreakable bond.

At least once a day, I meditate on my daughter. The clock does not dictate this but my daughter does. I wait until my girl is in a quiet, alert phase. Those precious moments when she is calm and using her senses to explore the world around her. We sit in a quiet spot and start our meditation. Meditation is about bringing your focus to one point. Before my daughter, I would meditate on a candle flame. Now she has become the most grounding focus point in my life.

Starting at the crown of her head, I take in her peach fuzz cowl-lick the same ashen brown color asher father's. She will likely be bald until 18 months which was when I sprouted hair.

I absorb that her eyes have a sparkle unlike any diamond I have seen. They are full of curiosity, wonder, and fire. Her eyes are a deep ocean bluish-grey just like mine.  It has become our tradition to sit there and make eye contact. To really see each other and offer up a piece of our soul.

There is her button nose, what I call her "chunka monka cheeks", and  her mouth which is usually spewing out some syllable or sound. She typically has the edges of her mouth curled up into a smile that radiates I'm sweet, but I'm sassy. She might be little but she is not short on personality. We spend time just being happy together. Happy to have this time where we can just be.

I take in her length sometimes even measuring her. I take in her hands and let the little fingers curl around mine. I usually can get a little giggle from her by making a silly face. Those giggles are the most beautiful symphony in the world. Mozart and Beethoven have nothing on those joyful notes.

Exercising her legs, working them in and out, we both enjoy the realization that her feet are in fact attached to her body. Those are her feet. She loves looking at them and frequently has some kind of fancy footwear on for entertainment. She loves her shoes. A girl after her mom's heart.

We spend time looking at books and taking in the pictures. Sometimes I read the words on the page and sometimes I make up our own story. We play with stuffed animals and instruments all the while allowing me to see what she enjoys and has no interest in. What makes her excited? Right now the answer to that question is whatever she can put in her mouth! Sometimes we do baby yoga or infant massage. Other times we just lay side by side and look up at the ceiling.


Whatever it is, we do it together. And we do it without distraction.

Living in the moment hasn't made time slow down. It doesn't speed it up either. It strictly allows me to look back and know that I did not take one of these precious moments for granted. There is not one opportunity that I have missed out on. Things can feel like they happened yesterday or forever ago but the important thing is that I was there.

Have you been inspired lately?

I find inspiration about a hundred times a day. Sometimes it lands in my lap. Sometimes I need to actively seek it.

So I ask you, have you been inspired today? And wait you aren't done. Have you inspired anyone lately?

 

 

Shannon, Myself, and Stacy... AND my CERTIFICATE!

This weekend, I graduated my 500 hour yoga certification. It's advanced training in yoga. It might as well be an advanced certification in finding inspiration. We all spent the day talking about our 15 month journey. There was so much motivation and creative energy colliding in the room, I'm still feeling the vibrations hours later. If you have the honor to be in the presence of good yoga teachers you will know there is no way to leave without being inspired. So my inspirations from our little mastermind are as follows:

 

From Melody, I learned that if you speak from the heart there is never a language barrier.

 

From Stephen, I learned that strong exteriors don't equate to harsh insides. He is strong like a bull but as compassionate as a teddy bear.

 

From Kathy, I learned that it is one thing to say you have grown confidence but a different thing to say it with such conviction that no one, no where, no how will challenge that.

 

What I will say about Carol, is that she is a human lotus flower. Beautiful and strong having grown in muddy waters over this past year.

 

Melissa. This woman... is strong, passionate, kind, and gave us a glimpse into her voyage as a yoga studio owner. We became privy to the good, the bad, and the ugly... and the ant infested cracker.

 

Joanna taught me a hugely valuable lesson today. You can have going on what you have going on. And you can tell everyone when you are damn ready to and not a moment sooner.

 

Now, Christi. Christi doesn't know this, but I have adored her since the first moment I met her. She is one of those women with a smile that basically says "Come on in. I'll take care of you." She is a "veteran" yoga teacher. Most "veteran" yoga teachers are really intimidating. This woman is the salt of the earth. In her project she shared that there is always room to grow. 

From Amanda, I learned that life is truly a journey and that you can always be better. Amanda has a smile that radiates light and abundance. She is someone that doesn't accept mediocre or status quo from herself, which encourages everyone else to step their own journey up a notch.

 

From Teresa, I was able to see true Moksha (yogic term for liberation) in action. She is radiating happiness and abundance after her year long quest for freedom. She is kicking ass in the world and not pausing to take names! She has a self professed love of self-help books, and for the first time I felt like maybe those books can work.

 

Now onto our fierce leaders:

 

Most of you who know me have heard me talk about Shannon lately. I basically have dreams of yoga as a career only because of the sideline coaching this woman has done over the past two months. She has a way of bringing out the best in whoever she meets. Whether it be by recommending a book or opening larger doors, the idea of Yama Yoga Mama is progressing only because of this fiercely intelligent, hilarious, and kind leader.

 

All of you have heard me talk about Stacy. Mostly because I LOVE HER! She has been my biggest cheerleader over the past year. She has taught me how to really support other people. Sometimes when you need a good ass kicking, she knows just the right question to ask. There are social workers who don't handle situations with the finesse of this tiger! Over the past year, I frequently have caught myself using the acronym WWSD... you guessed it "What Would Stacy Do?"

 

Joss and I celebrating by getting some snuggles in!
 

After being in this room for several hours, my natural high continued when I came home to my daughter. A true yogi at just four months. She takes each moment for what it is. If you need to poop, poop. If you need to fuss or stretch your legs, do it. If you want to sleep but you are eating... do both at the same time. She inspires me to live in the moment and dance to the beat of my own drum (even if it is a bongo).

 

I challenge you to find inspiration each day this week. Talk to people. Open your eyes and see the world around you. Go on Pinterest and search for quotes.

I just ask that you then take that inspiration and pay it forward. Create a movement of good energy and watch the rest fall into place.

From my heart to yours, Namaste!

I'm My Mother

Most people that read this know me. And if you know me, you know that there is no one I love, cherish, and look up too as much as I do my mother. If you know my mother I put you among the luckiest people in the world. Today is my mom's birthday so I feel compelled to tell you all how great she is!

Last Thursday, I was fortunate enough to have my mom come stay with me for a few days. As usual I couldn't sleep the night before. I was just too excited to see the woman I also consider my best friend. We spent her time here enjoying each other and playing with my daughter. Yesterday as we were going to the airport, I looked in my rearview, caught a glimpse of her, and realized "I'm My Mother."

I have known for sometime that my mom and I are similar not only in looks. My husband in giving his toast at our rehearsal dinner 5 years ago, noted that he felt like he was marrying my mother AND what a great thing that was. My brother has been known to call us "two peas in a space pod." Comparing me to my mom is the greatest compliment I could receive. My mom has taught me some powerful lessons in my almost 30 years (ALMOST). This weekend exemplified that what this woman can teach me is endless.

 

So here are my Top 5 from this weekend

#1: Its ok to cry. Whenever we are together we tend to cry knowing how short each trip will be. And we aren't limited to crying in the house privately. We've cried in the car, in the mall, at lunch, over ice cream, over tea... you name it. Yesterday when I started crying at lunch because we only had 30 minutes left before dropping her at the airport, I quickly put my sunglasses down to hide my tears. My mom wore her tears loud and proud. No shades needed. Being away from her daughter is worthy of a tear here or there... or everywhere as the case is sometimes.

#2 Every little girl should be treated like a Princess. My husband and father-in-law constantly poke fun at my princess behaviors. They blame my mom for my shopping issue, my inability to accept the answer "no," and quite honestly my love of luxury. I remember my husband rolling his eyes when Mom and I came home from maternity shopping. He didn't understand why I needed so much for just 9 months of wearing. My mom quickly responded that in order to really feel good, I needed nice things. End of discussion.

#3 A personalized thank you goes a long way. My mom hand-wrote over 200 personalized thank you's for her retirement. She received thank you's for her thank you notes. When we talked about this I realized my thank you note fetish started with her. If people are kind enough to give you a gift, you should be kind enough to take some time and genuinely thank them. Thinking back on my wedding, every single guest got a special note. Not that generic "Thank you for coming and sharing our day." People deserve more than that.

#4 The best way to start your day is with a cup of tea and most days should include cupcakes. I remember my mom and aunt getting together after church on Sundays for a cup of tea and long talks when I was little. I swell with pride that now when we are together we share tea and long talks. First stop on any adventure tends to be Starbucks or the cute shop around the corner from my house. We talk about everything and anything and as she puts it "solve the problems of the world." Cupcakes became our thing when I moved to Texas and introduced her to Dimples.

#5 Above all my mom has taught me and given me the confidence to be a mom. I've had people challenge some of the ways that I choose to parent. I've had people give unsolicited and aggravating advice. My mom encourages me to ignore them and to go with my instinct. About two weeks ago, I had someone question my parenting to the point where I felt like maybe I was doing something wrong. After my mom got done ranting because someone hurt my feelings, she told me that the reason my daughter is the way she is (quite frankly perfect) is because of the mother I've been. I can honestly say that if that's true, my daughter is perfect because of the way my mom was and continues to be.

Happy Birthday Mommy.

"I do love you Koala Lou."

 

The Grass is Always Greener: Meeting new moms

We moved to Texas two years ago. In that time, I actually had a really hard time making friends. I'm from New Jersey. Putting a Jersey girl in Texas is like trying to get that square peg in a round hole. I knew I was in trouble when I started getting asked which church we were all going too. It turns out that is the equivalent to asking what someone's occupation is. I am more of a spiritual person than religious so I don't attend a church. If you just felt a giant breeze, it was the state of Texas gasping at my disclosure. Once I started going to more yoga classes and attending trainings and workshops, I met people I click with but it was kind of hard to meet pregnant yoga teachers. I did meet one (Hi Salena!!!) So I love my yoga teacher friends and that was my circle.

Once I had my baby, it was time to venture to new mom groups. I was really looking forward to meeting some new moms and had this idea that I would meet lifelong friends and our kids would grow together. We would have BBQs and all sorts of excitement.

What I didn't realize is that my motherhood was so different from what everyone else experienced, it was hard for me to get into the conversations. Case in point: BREASTFEEDING. So from what I gather, producing milk is something many women struggle with. Despite their efforts there is something that just isn't working out. This absolutely sucks. A good friend from New Jersey, had her little boy and really struggled with production at first. She was really disappointed. She had to supplement and it was just aggravating for her. My experience could not be more different. I put milk cows to SHAME! In the beginning, I was able to pump 6 ounces a side. Which while wonderful on the whole "breastmilk is liquid gold" side, it SUCKS to walk around never being able to relieve the pressure. Imagine walking around with what feels like the weight of two watermelons strapped to you. Just like some moms have to work on increasing their supply, I need to work at decreasing.

While I accept every woman's journey is going to be different, this is what I came across:

 

rolling eyes

 

"Well that's a good problem to have"

 

"Be grateful."

 

flat out ignoring me from that point on

Now if I had done the same reaction to their issue, I would have really become a pariah. Not all new moms were like this but it got to be where I really hated attending groups, meeting moms, etc. I felt since my girl was sleeping through the night, rarely fussy, and overall easy time, other new moms rarely empathized with me and the struggles I was facing. And trust me, I have come across struggles.

It could just be because these were people that I was just meeting or it could be because we always think "The Grass Is Always Greener." I met some moms who were happy they were away from their family because they didn't want them interfering with how they raised their babies. I completely see this side of it, but I would give anything to have my mom with me here in Texas.

I did have a different experience with my friends that I knew before baby. My friend Suzi in NJ was an awesome mama to text while nursing finding humor in various new mom things. My friend and yoga mentor Stacy, never made me feel like just a new mom. We were able to talk yoga, business, and Universe. My friend Tennille and I have met for breakfast and she loves my little girl to come too. My cousin Dawn as a mom of older kids was a great resource on all things breastfeeding, diaper changing, schedules, etc.

So what is my point? New moms, please realize that we are all on the same journey but have different paths. We are all raising beautiful, delightful bundles of joy. However it is OK for the women with an ample supply to complain just as much as its OK for another to complain about your low supply. It is OK for one mom to feel exhausted because her baby needs to be fed every 2-3 hours, just like another mom can be exhausted from her baby being up all day. Accept and listen to all. Be careful with your words (although this is something everyone could benefit from doing). In other words: I honor the light in you, so honor it in me! NAMASTE!

Being Present At Your Changing Table

So we have all experienced... THE DIAPER EXPLOSION. Even that pretty, little ladylike pumpkin of mine, has them. And when she does... it is a SH*T STORM... literally. Now I've been at multiple mom groups and on the phone with multiple people who get aggravated to the heavens when their kid does it. Especially right when you are walking out the door. Pause... remember that time... now laugh because its over. Pumpkin's first blow out happened when we were already running late to her first pediatrician visit. Sleep deprived at that point, postnatal hormones going crazy, and my husband's reaction all made me want to rip my hair out in that one moment BUT I decided these moments and diapers aren't going to happen forever. So here are my tips to actually "enjoy" your blow out... and any other time you spend changing baby.

• Be present. Don't think about how you wont have time to run through Starbucks or about the email you need to send. Time is precious. EVERYTHING can wait.
• Laugh uncontrollably. Being angry, annoyed, and aggravated does absolutely NOTHING for you. If you are late to something because your kid pooped no one will be thinking anything other than "Better you than me."
• Empathize with your baby. Usually I see one of two looks from pumpkin. It's either "Yea, I did it" or "What just happened in there?" So I talk calmly, quietly and make the transition to changing.
• Talk to your baby while you are changing them. They wont talk back (yet) but this is a bonding time.
• I always make a mental note to leave 15 minutes before I need too. That way if as soon as I put Pumpkin in the carseat, she blows, no issue! If you have multiple kids... maybe leave 15 and then add 5 for each additional baby?
•  Practice holding your breath

 

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Make Your Own Happiness

It took me way to long to realize that happiness is not something that happens to you but something you create. For years I remember thinking, "I'll be happy when...." Through my yoga I learned waiting to be happy was a sure fire way to never obtain it. The other way to jeopardize your happiness is to constantly look at other people and ask why you aren't that happy. Seeing life and others that way prevents you from looking at your life and realizing that it is pretty awesome.

Learning to be happy stems from being around your parents and their ability to take pleasure in the simple things. I will say my mom is one of the happiest and most "sunny side" people I know so I am not sure how it escaped me for so long. No different that in my post about Karma, we need to model for our children that we should always have goals or desires but that if they don't come through they don't limit or prevent us from achieving happiness. We practice the yogic concept of non-attachment. Set the goal. Achieve or don't achieve. Accept it. Start again.

Lessons for My Daughter

This week is all about the lessons I want to teach my daughter. Feel free to email me the lessons you want to teach your children.

 

Lesson #1: Kindness matters

 

I came to really understand yoga and all its beautiful components when I was 27. The idea of karma truly changed the way I live. Similar to the Golden Rule, karma encourages us to treat others with compassion because then we have a better chance of seeing that same compassion return to us over time. Unfortunately, most people look at Karma on the flip side. If you type in karma quotes in pinterest, this is a small sampling of what you will find:

 



And those are the ones that don't use profanity; but how about those graphic details? I use to work as a behavioral specialist for adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities. One of the core concepts was to demonstrate and discuss what you want to see from your clients. Same thing goes for your children. Rather than telling them that if someone does wrong by them, it will eventually come back to that other individual, teach your children that by doing something kind, they will receive kindness back. What we teach out children should always be focused on the actions they can take, rather than on what others are doing. It helps them visualize and follow through with the kinder action. Here are a few positive representations of Karma:

 

For more pinterest offerings on Karma... check out my board:

 

http://www.pinterest.com/grayhoundgal/karma/