I'm My Mother

Most people that read this know me. And if you know me, you know that there is no one I love, cherish, and look up too as much as I do my mother. If you know my mother I put you among the luckiest people in the world. Today is my mom's birthday so I feel compelled to tell you all how great she is!

Last Thursday, I was fortunate enough to have my mom come stay with me for a few days. As usual I couldn't sleep the night before. I was just too excited to see the woman I also consider my best friend. We spent her time here enjoying each other and playing with my daughter. Yesterday as we were going to the airport, I looked in my rearview, caught a glimpse of her, and realized "I'm My Mother."

I have known for sometime that my mom and I are similar not only in looks. My husband in giving his toast at our rehearsal dinner 5 years ago, noted that he felt like he was marrying my mother AND what a great thing that was. My brother has been known to call us "two peas in a space pod." Comparing me to my mom is the greatest compliment I could receive. My mom has taught me some powerful lessons in my almost 30 years (ALMOST). This weekend exemplified that what this woman can teach me is endless.

 

So here are my Top 5 from this weekend

#1: Its ok to cry. Whenever we are together we tend to cry knowing how short each trip will be. And we aren't limited to crying in the house privately. We've cried in the car, in the mall, at lunch, over ice cream, over tea... you name it. Yesterday when I started crying at lunch because we only had 30 minutes left before dropping her at the airport, I quickly put my sunglasses down to hide my tears. My mom wore her tears loud and proud. No shades needed. Being away from her daughter is worthy of a tear here or there... or everywhere as the case is sometimes.

#2 Every little girl should be treated like a Princess. My husband and father-in-law constantly poke fun at my princess behaviors. They blame my mom for my shopping issue, my inability to accept the answer "no," and quite honestly my love of luxury. I remember my husband rolling his eyes when Mom and I came home from maternity shopping. He didn't understand why I needed so much for just 9 months of wearing. My mom quickly responded that in order to really feel good, I needed nice things. End of discussion.

#3 A personalized thank you goes a long way. My mom hand-wrote over 200 personalized thank you's for her retirement. She received thank you's for her thank you notes. When we talked about this I realized my thank you note fetish started with her. If people are kind enough to give you a gift, you should be kind enough to take some time and genuinely thank them. Thinking back on my wedding, every single guest got a special note. Not that generic "Thank you for coming and sharing our day." People deserve more than that.

#4 The best way to start your day is with a cup of tea and most days should include cupcakes. I remember my mom and aunt getting together after church on Sundays for a cup of tea and long talks when I was little. I swell with pride that now when we are together we share tea and long talks. First stop on any adventure tends to be Starbucks or the cute shop around the corner from my house. We talk about everything and anything and as she puts it "solve the problems of the world." Cupcakes became our thing when I moved to Texas and introduced her to Dimples.

#5 Above all my mom has taught me and given me the confidence to be a mom. I've had people challenge some of the ways that I choose to parent. I've had people give unsolicited and aggravating advice. My mom encourages me to ignore them and to go with my instinct. About two weeks ago, I had someone question my parenting to the point where I felt like maybe I was doing something wrong. After my mom got done ranting because someone hurt my feelings, she told me that the reason my daughter is the way she is (quite frankly perfect) is because of the mother I've been. I can honestly say that if that's true, my daughter is perfect because of the way my mom was and continues to be.

Happy Birthday Mommy.

"I do love you Koala Lou."

 

Selling Your House: A Lesson in Non-Attachment

My husband and I made the decision last week to sell our house. It was something that we had toyed with for a few months, but when his opportunity of a lifetime came knocking we couldn't turn it down. When we moved to Texas two years ago from New Jersey... I did NOT go quietly. I actually refused to come until he promised that I would be able to get a third greyhound. I'm somewhat of a collector when it comes to them. So I came kicking and screaming to Texas and as we made the decision to leave, I realized just how much I enjoyed our life here.

Now everything moved pretty quick. We decided on a Tuesday to move, on Thursday we signed the paperwork for our house, and on Friday, our realtor posted a "coming soon" sign. As many new moms can relate, life with a newborn flies so it wasn't so much the pace we were moving that was bothering me but what I was leaving behind and what I was losing like...

MY PRIVACY

Most new moms can relate. When was the last time you showered without your newborn in the room with you? For me it was earlier today BUT some days, I soap up with my munchkin sitting in her bouncy seat gazing at me.

When you sell your house, you start to live in a fishbowl. From the moment our realtor had us post on Facebook that we were listing, we had boatloads of people texting, calling, emailing wanting details on our house (because it is super fabulous) and asking questions about where we were going. I got very good at NOT answering that question.

My sense of solitude was stripped further when people starting driving up to our house, getting out, inspecting the sign and then walking up on our lawn and trying to see in our windows. Since we started showing this weekend, I can't even think about people investigating my closets, drawers, art (oh wait no, they made us take most of that down).

How does someone even bid farewell to their privacy? It will be a continuous journey
. I'm not really a secretive person but I know that I like things on my terms and if I sense someone is looking for information, I tent to withhold.

But perhaps the hardest thing I am leaving behind, is my daughter's nursery. LABOR of LOVE defined. Imagine floor to ceiling purple giraffe print that matches bedding perfectly. Curtains custom made by your aunt with fabric you patrolled the internet seeking for close to 12 hours. Not to mention the fair trade made baskets that host all her toys. It HURTS to think about it. In fact the reason to sell really took so long, was because of this giraffe wall.

Since signing the paperwork, I have tried:

staring at that wall until it hurts (I got a headache)

putting my daughter down for her naps in the nursery (optimizing use and exposure)

avoiding the nursery (hard when that's where the diapers are)

crying it out (I don't cry pretty)

telling myself that I can do it better in our new home (I had to admit it, there are flaws in my pattern)

And even contemplating painting over it (gasp)

Our Giraffe Wall Flaws and All

You guessed it, nothing helps. In yoga, we talk so much about non-attachment. Who we are, the things we done, material items... we can have them or not... but they don't define us. For me that giraffe wall is so deeply connected to who I feel I am as a mother. It's time to let that vision go and let myself as a mother be redefined. How silly of me to be attached to a wall? It doesn't replace the relationship I have built in just four months with my daughter. So now my mission, should I choose to accept it, is to rock like Elsa in Frozen and "Let it Go."

Less is More: Flying With a Baby

Travel is one of those things that can cause extreme anxiety for new moms. My daughter and I traveled when she was just 6 weeks old. My husband was unable to come so it was just the two of us. We were going to wait a few more weeks but honestly, I just missed my family too much.

The night before we were set to fly, I had a complete meltdown. I was so nervous and overwhelmed by all that could go wrong.

How would I manage all my stuff? What if the flight was late or canceled? What if I ran out of milk? What if my daughter cried the whole time? What if I had to use the restroom?

Obviously all of these things were legitimate concerns. Really what new mom could hold her bladder for 6-7 hours total?

So once I got through with my pity party the night before, I organized and really thought of solutions for all my concerns.

How to manage all the baggage that goes with flying

·         Curbside check in. Have someone drop you right at the counter. Tip the handler with a smile and $5. You’ll be golden!

o   Also consider buying the diapers and wipes you’ll need when you arrive at your destination or have someone pick them up for you if you are visiting family.

o   Same thing goes for your stroller and carseat. See if you can borrow from a family member or rent one. But traveling with them looks like a hassle.

·         Make your carry on light… Only the necessities make the cut. We rolled on board with small diaper bag and my girl in the Baby K’Tan. My diaper bag included:

o   3-4 diapers

o   A travel wipes case and changing pad

o   A receiving blanket

o   Extra outfit for baby

o   Extra t-shirt for me

o   2 toys (Note: NOT the whole toy box)

o   wristlet with all my "stuff" (lotion, tissues, credit cards, cash, phone, etc)

o   (2) 4 oz bottles of breastmilk

o   My nursing cover

o   AND THAT’S IT

·         Have someone there when you land to get a hug from and help with luggage. This is when you really should pay to park at the airport.

The Essential Diaper Bag

Changes in schedule

·         Unfortunately it happens. And it happened to us. On the way there, we were golden. On the way back, at 11:00 pm the night before our flight was canceled. We were rescheduled but not until later in the afternoon. Fortunately, we had that notice the night before. Once we got to the airport, we were delayed but we used the time to walk around, take in the sites, get a snack… get another snack… and another snack.

·         Always try to talk to an agent and see if there are options for you with a baby. Sometimes they might let you into their presidents club or find you a seat on another flight that’s leaving earlier.

Food Supply

·         If you are nursing, you are able to take as much breastmilk through security as you need. I don’t mean that as a joke. I mean if you pump and put milk in bottles, they will scan it and let you through. BUT feel free to have your boobs as full as you need too. ;)

·         Pack some snacks for you too. Sometimes those flights are long and the pretzels and nuts are stale.

·         Also when they come by and ask if you want a drink. Get yourself water. No use in dehydrating yourself so the chances you have to go to the bathroom are less.

Crying babies on a plane

·         I think there are few people who have not been aggravated when sharing the plan with a crying baby. As a new mom, I remembered those times when I wanted to sleep but a fussy baby kept me up. I figured it would be just my karma coming back on me to have THAT baby.

·         The night before I thought long and hard about what automatically calms my girl down at any given moment. There were the obvious: nursing and pacifier. But my daughter LOVES to snuggle. I was already bringing the baby carrier so we would be nice and cozy the whole time.

Using the ladies room

·         If you are traveling on your own, this is a big one. So I encourage you… to get to a yoga class and do chair pose. With the baby carrier, I could go hands free but the tricky part was sitting low enough and back enough. Sounds funny but seriously I took a deep inhale, and exhale sat back in “chair.”

·         I will also say this. I didn’t want to have to go on the flight so I went to the bathroom before boarding each and every time regardless of it I had to go.

·         I also changed my girl prior to boarding so that I didn’t feel like I needed to change her multiple times on the flight. I also changed her right after we got off the flight.

Most important of all:

·         Laugh when things go wrong. Our first flight, I boarded the wrong plane. I was so nervous I misread the gate sign. WHOOPS. The gate agent came running after me and no harm was done but I had a good laugh… as did the rest of the people in line. It happens. J

Honor the Living Parts of Your Household

Those first couple of weeks and months of motherhood are challenging. You went from one routine with a certain number of people to adding a whole other person in the mix. In our house, we were 2 people and 3 gorgeous greyhounds. Now I say 3 gorgeous greyhounds but I might as well tell you now, they are considered as people in our home. Their needs are more important than my own. If we were ever in a situation where we could only afford either their food or ours, they would be the ones left eating. The following is pretty much how our home run

Throughout my pregnancy, I contemplated how a baby would impact the hounds. I wanted to make sure they always felt my love for them and that it was unchanging. I really resented people that said “Once the baby comes, you won’t love them the same way.” The truth is I love them just as much as I did before I had our daughter. But in order to make myself feel better and keep the bond I had with them, my husband and I decided that before we worry or take care of anything else, we take care of the living beings in our house. So that meant the dogs and our daughter came first. Nothing else really matters. Laundry can sit in the basket unfolded. Emails will be unanswered. Mail will be in the mailbox. Dishes can pile in the sink for a time. We may not vacuum or dust, but our daughter and dogs will be loved on.

If you know me, you know I like a clean house. I can’t sleep if anything is too messy. Remember that episode of Friends where they challenge Monica to try and sleep with the shoes still in the living room… that’s me. I may as well change my name to Monica Geller because I could not sleep with my shoes in the living room. They need to be in their bed at night… my shoe rack.

With making the agreement to care and tend for our living house, at first I was bending over backwards to get the dishes in the dishwasher while everyone else napped. Then I wised up, I was a living part of our household. It was just as important to care for myself. It meant instead of putting the dishes in the dishwasher, I needed to find a clean dish and make myself something to eat. Instead of answering emails, I needed to get a good snuggle in with my boy Rock.

If motherhood is overwhelming you, take time. Identify what needs the most care and provide for them and yourself first. If you are like me find paper plates (made from recycled products) and use them and chuck ‘em. Find those easy solutions for your “big” problems.

 

Proud mama show off! Meet my hounds!

Aren't they beautiful?!?!?!



Peggy

Rock



Ginger

The Grass is Always Greener: Meeting new moms

We moved to Texas two years ago. In that time, I actually had a really hard time making friends. I'm from New Jersey. Putting a Jersey girl in Texas is like trying to get that square peg in a round hole. I knew I was in trouble when I started getting asked which church we were all going too. It turns out that is the equivalent to asking what someone's occupation is. I am more of a spiritual person than religious so I don't attend a church. If you just felt a giant breeze, it was the state of Texas gasping at my disclosure. Once I started going to more yoga classes and attending trainings and workshops, I met people I click with but it was kind of hard to meet pregnant yoga teachers. I did meet one (Hi Salena!!!) So I love my yoga teacher friends and that was my circle.

Once I had my baby, it was time to venture to new mom groups. I was really looking forward to meeting some new moms and had this idea that I would meet lifelong friends and our kids would grow together. We would have BBQs and all sorts of excitement.

What I didn't realize is that my motherhood was so different from what everyone else experienced, it was hard for me to get into the conversations. Case in point: BREASTFEEDING. So from what I gather, producing milk is something many women struggle with. Despite their efforts there is something that just isn't working out. This absolutely sucks. A good friend from New Jersey, had her little boy and really struggled with production at first. She was really disappointed. She had to supplement and it was just aggravating for her. My experience could not be more different. I put milk cows to SHAME! In the beginning, I was able to pump 6 ounces a side. Which while wonderful on the whole "breastmilk is liquid gold" side, it SUCKS to walk around never being able to relieve the pressure. Imagine walking around with what feels like the weight of two watermelons strapped to you. Just like some moms have to work on increasing their supply, I need to work at decreasing.

While I accept every woman's journey is going to be different, this is what I came across:

 

rolling eyes

 

"Well that's a good problem to have"

 

"Be grateful."

 

flat out ignoring me from that point on

Now if I had done the same reaction to their issue, I would have really become a pariah. Not all new moms were like this but it got to be where I really hated attending groups, meeting moms, etc. I felt since my girl was sleeping through the night, rarely fussy, and overall easy time, other new moms rarely empathized with me and the struggles I was facing. And trust me, I have come across struggles.

It could just be because these were people that I was just meeting or it could be because we always think "The Grass Is Always Greener." I met some moms who were happy they were away from their family because they didn't want them interfering with how they raised their babies. I completely see this side of it, but I would give anything to have my mom with me here in Texas.

I did have a different experience with my friends that I knew before baby. My friend Suzi in NJ was an awesome mama to text while nursing finding humor in various new mom things. My friend and yoga mentor Stacy, never made me feel like just a new mom. We were able to talk yoga, business, and Universe. My friend Tennille and I have met for breakfast and she loves my little girl to come too. My cousin Dawn as a mom of older kids was a great resource on all things breastfeeding, diaper changing, schedules, etc.

So what is my point? New moms, please realize that we are all on the same journey but have different paths. We are all raising beautiful, delightful bundles of joy. However it is OK for the women with an ample supply to complain just as much as its OK for another to complain about your low supply. It is OK for one mom to feel exhausted because her baby needs to be fed every 2-3 hours, just like another mom can be exhausted from her baby being up all day. Accept and listen to all. Be careful with your words (although this is something everyone could benefit from doing). In other words: I honor the light in you, so honor it in me! NAMASTE!

Being Present At Your Changing Table

So we have all experienced... THE DIAPER EXPLOSION. Even that pretty, little ladylike pumpkin of mine, has them. And when she does... it is a SH*T STORM... literally. Now I've been at multiple mom groups and on the phone with multiple people who get aggravated to the heavens when their kid does it. Especially right when you are walking out the door. Pause... remember that time... now laugh because its over. Pumpkin's first blow out happened when we were already running late to her first pediatrician visit. Sleep deprived at that point, postnatal hormones going crazy, and my husband's reaction all made me want to rip my hair out in that one moment BUT I decided these moments and diapers aren't going to happen forever. So here are my tips to actually "enjoy" your blow out... and any other time you spend changing baby.

• Be present. Don't think about how you wont have time to run through Starbucks or about the email you need to send. Time is precious. EVERYTHING can wait.
• Laugh uncontrollably. Being angry, annoyed, and aggravated does absolutely NOTHING for you. If you are late to something because your kid pooped no one will be thinking anything other than "Better you than me."
• Empathize with your baby. Usually I see one of two looks from pumpkin. It's either "Yea, I did it" or "What just happened in there?" So I talk calmly, quietly and make the transition to changing.
• Talk to your baby while you are changing them. They wont talk back (yet) but this is a bonding time.
• I always make a mental note to leave 15 minutes before I need too. That way if as soon as I put Pumpkin in the carseat, she blows, no issue! If you have multiple kids... maybe leave 15 and then add 5 for each additional baby?
•  Practice holding your breath

 

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Visualizing Your Best Self

What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of mother are you? Is your vision filled with you tired, sloppy, on the verge of tears because you can't remember the last time you showered without your child watching you? Are you that mom that is looking refreshed, whipping healthy snacks out of your diaper bag, and discussing an amazing book you are reading with some likeminded mamas over tea?

I ask what you as a mom want to look/feel like, yet this concept of what kind of person do you want to be also applies to every single nitty gritty component of you. So mom, non-mom, never wanna be a mom, read on because my week and realizations this week have been rockin'.

Three weeks ago (give or take), Yama Yoga Mama was launched! Like any business starting out, I had a vision of what I wanted my company to look like. Logo. Blog. Facebook presence. Website. Prenatal Workshops.  I know I want it to grow to be its best self BUT I was eager as a beaver to kick it off. And so here we are three weeks later and I have all of the things I have visualized for my little project. Not only did I visualize "the stuff" but my thoughts were consumed with "this is going to be hard," I wont make any money," and "will anyone pay for stuff like this?". So why did I move forward without it being perfect?

About 2 months ago, I had an intensive weekend for my 500 hour yoga certification. We talked about our relationship with money. We took a quiz and then learned about our money personality. My results were not shocking. I am a Alchemist (big, bright ideas, little follow through), Romantic, and Nurturer. For some reason that quiz really kicked my butt in gear. I didn't WANT to be someone with big ideas and a poor relationship with money. I wanted to be a woman who had an amazing idea and saw it through. And so Yama Yoga Mama, leapt from my brain out into the universe and is ready to kick ass and take names. Just kidding, I'm actually just here to help other new moms and women find a little bit of peace, serenity, and humor in their day to day adventures.

Now two Sundays ago, I was talking to Shannon D. Caldwell, the director of Purple Lotus Yoga Teacher Training and she encouraged me to read this book called Get Rich, Lucky Bitch by Denise Duffield Thomas. This book helps you start to realize how to obtain your "rich life." It helps you clear past crap, visualize for the future, and makes it happen. Within a hot 5 hours, the Universe started working for me. Questions and financial stuff, I had been dealing with for MONTHS, cleared up in minutes. In addition, Shannon sent me her book Southern Modern Zen to help me clear more crap and fine tune and visualize my ideas further.

Key components in both books and in many conversations over the past few weeks have been the concepts of manifesting and visualizing abundance. Those terms can sound "weird" to many people so here I am "normalizing" it. When you manifest you are creating an energy or attitude that you want to see played out. Case in point: My husband and I were contemplating a pretty big decision since the birth of our daughter. We kept waiting and waiting for answers. Within a few hours of me starting to say "we will make a decision within the next two days," it got real and the decision was made that night. I didn't mention it to my husband, it was more a shift in my attitude and energy. Instead of sending into the world "We will never know." and "this is going on forever," I shifted it to something positive.  Its amazing how instantly you feel better and even more so how a positive attitude leads to monumental change.

On to visualizing: now this is like a day dream. You start to see your life the way you want it to be. You create this image and this feeling that becomes a reality. I have found that it has become how goal setting feels. With Shannon's guidance I started to realized I needed to determine how I wanted my life to look AND feel. I have also seen HUGE shifts with the use of visualization. I had this image of myself acting confident when talking about money and business partnerships. Just that experience of seeing it allowed me to put it into action yesterday when someone called asking if she could get involved with my company. I didn't hesitate to tell her financially how it would work, non-negotiable. I have been soft in the past. I definitely suffer from "you can just pay me with positive thoughts."

My above experiences give all women an idea of how to start using manifestation and visualization. BUT if you are someone (a mom) who needs concrete how, when, where... It really can occur anywhere, amyplace. I have started implementing it during my daughter's first nursing session of the day. While she enjoys her breakfast, I close my eyes and start seeing how my day is going to roll. This morning I sat there saying I'm going to publish a post today, post it to Facebook, and get my girl in a super sweet outfit and head out for cupcakes with a neighbor later in the day. The rest of the day will be unplanned with lots of snuggles and gazing at my beautiful girl. Taking it all in because she wont be this little forever.

So here is my challenge: Start visualizing your best self and life today! Let me know when life gets better!

Super sweet outfit on my baby girl!